Fluff, Thriller

The Quickie – James Patterson – 0/10 (DNF)

 “A kind of pleading in his almond-shaped brown eyes”

Oh wow is this book awful. Someone took a cliché dictionary out of the library, cobbled every entry together into something like a cop thriller, and put a famous name on the front cover.

The protagonist, Lauren, is a hypocritical adulterous whiner who has an affair… to teach her cheating husband a lesson. Um… ironic, much? So when this revenge turns out to be full of salmonella and gunshot rather than being served cold, it’s pretty tough to have any sympathy for her.

Oh, but never mind the conflict of interest in the upcoming prosecution case, she’s the best, she’s going to take it… “Bronx assistant DAs practically fought to take my cases because they could just about read my reports aloud for their prosecutions“. For someone who’s so bullish about her own abilities, she uses a whole lotta qualifiers in that sentence.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I promise never to open another novel bearing the James Patterson brand as long as I live. For my penance, I agree to rid my shelves of this rot.

(seriously, it’s too bad even for BookMooch. I’m going to leave them on the Tube.)

Additional info:
This was… I don’t even know. Part of a box purchase?
Publisher: Headline, 407 pages (paperback)
Don’t order The Quickie from Amazon, but if you do, this is an affiliate link – I will be paid a small percentage of your purchase price if you use this link, which goes towards giveaways.
Fluff, Review copies

The Craigslist Murders – Brenda Cullerton – 0/10 (DNF)

I can’t even really figure out what is going on here. Charlotte, an interior decorator to the absurdly uber-rich, likes to murder the uber-rich women who live on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, and hunts her victims by Craigslist, the US-based online classifieds community. As we join Charlotte in her crazy (seriously) life, she is fondling a fancy Hungarian piece of chinaware and preparing to batter her latest victim with a fire poker, instead of buying an eighteen-carat bracelet from her.

So far, so farcical, right? Except it’s not funny. Charlotte is bitter, has mother issues, steals from her clients (who are admittedly, quite bizarre. Who has a $300,000 paddling pool built for their dog and then wants it shifted ten feet to the right?) and is a serial killer. She’s also morosely single, cynical, looks down on everybody from her best friend to her newest client.

One for fans of Nick Hornby with a macabre twist. I think.

Additional info:
Kindly provided by the publisher for an honest review, via NetGalley.
Publisher: Melville House, paperback, 219 pages.
Order this from Amazon*
* this is an affiliate link – I will be paid a small percentage of your purchase price if you use this link, which goes towards giveaways.